Spending Money Isn’t The Only Way to Honor Someone

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Today my mom asked if she could take Travis and me out to dinner for Travis’ birthday.

It’s a normal gift to give from a parent to their adult child/ child’s spouse.

But we know my mom is not very financially responsible. She doesn’t have a ton of debt but at 60 she has no retirement savings and spent years not paying her mortgage until her house was finally foreclosed on last year.

Our relationship hasn’t been the same since that season.

We also try not to go out to eat often and when we do we make sure it’s a place we love. Which may not be a place that she’d choose.

So we invited her to our place to celebrate. I’d cook dinner and we could play games, she eventually agreed but she still thinks that spending money is the only way to really honor a person.

It got me thinking how this modern-day idea is engrained in our brains that we have to spend money to celebrate.

We see this on Christmas most.

When we were paying off our debt – and to this day — both our parents refuse to give us cash because they knew we’d just pay off our loans with it.

If that’s the one thing we’re trying to accomplish with our lives, why is helping us accomplish it not a sufficient gift!?

Instead, they spend all this time getting stuff, more time buying decorations and wrapping the stuff. All for us to come over, unwrap the stuff, throw the paper and boxes away, and take back 90% of the stuff because we either don’t like it, already have it, or it doesn’t fit.

But you can’t celebrate Jesus without stuff.

I’ve come to the conclusion that spending money for the sake of spending money is a horrible way to honor someone.

It may be too late to stop our parents from obligatory spending but there’s still time for us and our siblings and friends.

I feel like even the DIY industry, a once frugal way to show your admiration for someone, has been lost. It’s more expensive to make something than to buy it nowadays.

But celebrating the people in our lives is a great privilege. Life is short and every year, every day is a gift. And when someone takes this one life we have and crushes it or, at least, makes it through another year, we have to yell it from the rooftops!

Or, at a minimum, extend a pat on the back.

So what do we do to genuinely show our love to people on birthdays, holidays, and with accomplishments that won’t throw our budgets out of whack?

Still trying to figure this one out.

But I have some ideas. There are things that I love getting and doing that I’m sure other people love so I’ll share them and you let me know what you think.

1. Potluck

It seems like a natural fit that if we resort to going “out” to eat with friends we convert it to going “in” to eat with friends.

Dinner in with friends and family is the best. We have one several times a month for no reason other than that our friend-group likes each other! So having one to celebrate a birthday, baby announcement, or job promotion is even better.

2. Spend a Day Outside

We live by the beach and in biking distance from downtown, it’s such a good place for spending time outside yet we rarely do.

There’s always something to do around the house or for work that spending time in the fresh air gets lost to more “productive” tasks.

But when there’s something to celebrate there’s a reason to plan a day outside. Whether it’s a beach day, biking to a festival, or kayaking the mangroves, leave the house and don’t come back until you’re exhausted.

Without planning I get overwhelmed by the number of activities there are and end up doing nothing. I’m in the process of making a list of “free things to do” that we can X off every time we’ve done something.

I think having fewer choices is the key to doing more things.

3. Volunteer

You might think that volunteering means helping other people but it’s actually helping you just as much. I get this amazing sense of gratitude when I’m spending time with struggling kids. I know I’m not making a life-changing impact but every bit helps.

I used to spend my weekends at foster homes but I’m not in a season where I can commit to that anymore.

Yes, consistency makes a bigger difference in a kid’s life but one-off volunteering events shouldn’t be discounted just because they’re not “the most effective.” There are kids who enter school who’ve never been read to, aren’t taught basic life skills, or just need to be allowed to run around and burn off some energy.

If kids aren’t your thing then helping out at a senior center or a pound is good too. Some of my favorite programs/ ways to help are:

• United Way Reading Pals
• Organizing a conversation hour at a nursing home
• Volunteer at a hospital

And bonus, philanthropy could subvert your parent’s misguided gift giving into something positive. Some moms would be willing to give a gift to charity in your honor if they can’t fathom not giving you anything at all.