How Newlyweds Can Rock Their Finances

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Finances for newlyweds are the last thing on your mind when you’re blissfully floating in a perfect world with your new boo.

But it’s common knowledge now that money fights and money problems are the leading cause of stress in a relationship and play a role in every leading cause of divorce.

Communicating and working together in regards to your finances can set you up for the success that long-running marriages have. I don’t know of any happily married couples going on 30+ years that don’t have some system for communicating about money. 

The Do’s & Don’ts of Finances for Newlyweds

So how do you communicate and work together as a team? There are some rules that Travis and I follow that helped us get on the same page and help us maintain shared goals.

We are not perfect, we still disagree and argue about our money. But those arguments are few and far between and it’s these principles that have helped us understand each other and work through those arguments.

1. Do Talk About Your Financial Past & Future

Unfortunately, I still hear stories about couples who don’t talk about their financial situations until their marriage is already suffering from it. It is essential for couples to upfront and honest about their finances.

In the marital finance breakout we led at a recent marriage conference, Travis and I gave out a worksheet for understanding your own financial past, present and future.

We started with past, because you can’t move forward without dealing with your past. We asked the questions:

• What’s your philosophy on spending money? 
• What do you think you personally spend the most money on?  
• Why do you think that’s so important to you?
• Try to relate your spending habits and money philosophy to how people around you spent money while you were growing up.

Soe other questions you could include would be

• Were you ever told ‘no’?
• Did your parents talk about money with you?
• What negative and positive experiences you’ve had with money?

These answers can tell you a lot about your spouse’s point of view but more importantly, they’ll teach you about YOUR financial point of view. You’re the only person you can change. Understanding why you make the decisions you do is the first step to improving your financial habits.

We then talked about the future. We asked:

• What do you want to be doing personally and professionally in 5 & 10 years?
• What is it going to take financially for you to be able to do it?

Your “why” for financial decisions is NEVER the financial destination. Money is only a means to get where you want to go in life and you have to figure out what that is so you know how to get there and when you’ve arrived.

We paid off debt and started Modern Frugality so I could be a stay at home parent. Losing my steady income will be a major drop in our income and I’m so scared but when I look at the numbers, I know we can do it. Sure I could stay out of fear but it’s our preparation that’s let us know we have arrived.

Once you have your “why” establish goals for your future around it. These can include saving an emergency fund or getting out of debt but think bigger than that. Do you want to retire early? Be a stay-at-home mom? Buy a homestead and live off the grid? Think big and keep your “why” in mind.

Talking about the future should also include some decision consensus. Like how you’ll deal with unplanned expenses, charitable giving, what to do when family or friends ask for money, beneficiaries, and legal stuff.

When money situations come up they’re usually pretty emotional so take the time to establish what you agree on and what you’re going to compromise on. You won’t catch everything up front but it’ll be better to navigate those first few years with some guidelines.

2. Don’t Keep Secrets

One time I bought a bottle of vodka (that was over and beyond my personal budget) and didn’t tell Travis. I don’t remember how he found out but I remember he wasn’t mad that I broke the budget, he was just confused and disappointed as to why I didn’t tell him.

I learned that day that money is about more than your finances, it’s the most intimate thing outside the bedroom and your spouse should be part of it.

So whether it’s talking about your past, sharing your desires for how to use your money, or with the everyday things, be transparent with your partner. It will be hard at first, but it is worth everything

3. Do Create a Budget

My life changed in so many ways when I got married. Amidst all the change we started budgeting together. Every couple starts new habits in their new marriage; you can make them healthy ones.

We look at our schedule the last week of every month and set aside an hour to do our budget. I make the budget then I give it to him and he has to change one thing about it.

Our first few budget meetings were definitely longer than expected and went on throughout the month. But sticking with it, even when we failed, is what has kept us on track to achieving those goals we set.

Pro Tip: The budget is about more than creating healthy financial habits, it makes you work as a team. And there’s no better feeling than having your spouse as your co-captain, conquering the world together!

4. Don’t Upgrade 

Who said just because you’re a Mrs. you need a Kitchen Aid (not knockin, I love mine) or because you’re hitched you need a new giant TV Screen (your video games will look just fine on the old one.)

Don’t fall into this trap of upgrading just because you’re married. It’s better to take your clothes to the laundry mat (or mom’s house) until you can afford that washer and dryer, don’t waste money financing it. Save up and pay cash for things you want.

This includes housing too. Just because your income has “doubled” doesn’t mean you need a nicer apartment or to buy a house right away. Dave Ramsey says “It takes a year of marriage to know how close to your mother-in-law to buy.” Man’s got some wisdom.

5. Do Merge Finances

If you have the same why, share goals, and budget together, you should combine your incomes. The main reason is that it makes your life easier; the underlying reason is the accountability it gives you when spending.

There’s a transparency in combining bank accounts that’s painful but healthy for your marriage.

The stipulations for this would be for a spouse who has their own business. That income should be kept separate but you should get to a point where you’re paying yourself a salary and that should be combined in your joint account.

And, while incomes should be combined, your debts should be kept separate (but still working together to pay them off.) This is to safeguard you if your spouse dies or in the unfortunate case of divorce.

6. Don’t Have a Baby Right Away

Babies have a lot of upfront costs and labor/delivery ain’t cheap. When you’re laying the foundation for your finances babes can throw a real wrench in it.

I don’t agree you should be completely debt free to start a family but consider waiting until you’ve accomplished a few foundational goals.

Also, don’t get a dog just because you’re waiting to have a baby. That’s wrong on so many levels.

via GIPHY

7. Do Get Part-Time Jobs

There’s no better time to hustle than when you’re young, broke, and married. The main secret to our success is how hard we work. We both have multiple jobs and plan on keeping them until we’re debt free, have an emergency fund, and a down-payment on a house.

I know people say the first year of marriage is special and you should spend it enjoying each other and learning new things. But A) it doesn’t take 365 days to have these conversations and B) you will enjoy your spouse so much more when you’ve paid off your debt and are on a cruise to the Bahamas (paid for in cash.)

Some goals you’ll work really hard on for a short period of time and others will take time and you can relax. But you should have goals and always be working towards them.

Marriage is the friggin best when you work together, communicate, and keep laughing. Blessings to you and your new adventure!